Saturday, May 26, 2007

Biotherm is Biobeautiful

Just got a box from the Biotherm rep, who is LOVELY, of anti-celutite stuff. Looks complicated to perform so i will try to get to it tomorow night. But I eagerly await transformaion. If it's anything like the Essential Benefits lotion pot, I am sold. This fab lotion comes in a squat tub -- refreshingly free of squirty tops and spitting dispensers. Delivery is easy -- dip fingers into pot, twist finges and pull up. The smell is divine and it's moisturizing, too. Price: $18.

Bliss Tan -canned

It was perhaps the most heinous thing that could ever happen to a girl in the United States. Like a mutant form of zebra, I was a tanimal gone wrong. It all started when I decided to give the Bliss Tan can another chance. Maybe I made a mistake when I carefully followed the directions on the cheerful blue box. So I decided to take my own approach to aerosol bronzing. I am sure I am not letting loose any previously bagged cats when I reveal to you that my second stint with the Bliss did not go well. And said Bliss is now in my bathroom garbage. (But I continue to use and love the exfoliant scrub!) OK, what follows is not pretty. It is, I suppose, a sort of mea cosmeticulpa. That involves a sock. See, I had come to the logical-seeming conclusion that the reason I had spray marks and stripes was because I did not blend enough. And the reason I had tan-stains on my nailbeds was because I blended with my hands. So I attempted to remedy both issues with a single item - a clean white sock. The plan was to spritz in short bursts then quickly blend, blend, blend. It worked OK -- except when it didn't. In fact, the results were pretty similar to the first time -- face, neck and decolletage turned a pretty, odorless brown. But the back, legs and ass could only be described as, well, dire. My husband hasd a nice laugh at my striped ass. But otherwise, its trashcan city, baby. Last night I slathered my body with Neutrogena graudal tan. It stunk to high heaven and I had to pay for the bottle myself (grumbe grumbe) but it works like a charm. I am not tan, but neither do I glow in the dark. Mission accomplished.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Gilette Venus Breeze razor

First of all, I don't think I got this swank razor because of Who I Am or What I Do. Especially since it was addressed to, ahem, The Jewel Osco Shopper at ...blah blah my address. But, it arrived in the mail, I tried it, and therefore I shall blog about it. Also I loved it. Generally I am not a fan of razors. Yet I am a fan of shaving. You see the issue. I tend to look for a single thing in a razor: cheapness. If it comes in a sack with many other razors and it's an Everyday Value at Target or, yes, the Jewel-Osco, I will buy it. So long as I don't cut myself to shreds, a razor is a razor is a razor, right? Well, probably yes. But this Venus Breeze is very, very nice. First of all, it's shaped all ergonomic, so it feels not unlike my favorite pen. It's purple, whatever, but also texturized and ribbed - -for her pleasure? -- but again, whatever. But this Unique Dual Action moisturizing and soap strip, while very stupid-sounding, is actually very cool, and it never occurred to me how cumbersome it was to lather up, then shave. I think I'll stop doing it and continue to use the Venus until it, uh, peters out. Will I buy it? Probably not. But I will definitely suffer from Venus Envy.

Bliss Spa: A Tan for All Seasons

Free? Check. Tan-tastic? Maybe. Well, 24 hours apres tint, it's a lot better. God bless a great faux finish, and I was super excited to get this delish box in the mail from the BlissFlack, contents being one shallow pot of lemon sage body scrub and one aerosol can o'tan (a $36 value). To avoid Le Streak (so not chic!) I followed the directions to the letter. I vigorously exfoliated with said scrub, even applying granules to face. Then I aimed the nozzle of the spray n' tan can the requested six inches from my skin -- starting with the left leg, no idea why -- and letter rip. The freezing cold spray sort of sucked but ho! it got worse. Que Horror -- Stripes! Down My Leg! Unblend-in-able stripes that would not dissapate, despite frantic rubbing and desperate swirly palm motions. So I said, no way can I have two candy-cane legs, so I applied the mist to my right side by spraying a cold blast into the palm of my hand and appying in the prescribed circulare motions. Smell factor was very low, as promised. Got tired midway through and spritzed the arms, but very small jets at a time, and the spray seemed to blend better. The next day, for some reason the smell had intensified, but the stripes and the florets on my arms from my short spritzes were largely gone. Thank God I had panicked for nothing! The color is very subtle and nice. There are a few spots where I could have blended better but it's definitely 100 times better than the seemingly indelible pattern I had created on myself the night before. But I did notice the bronze rim around my nailbeds, and a slight discoloration of my palms, which was frustratng because I scrubbed my hands with both antibacterial soap and a ton of the lemon sage scrub. Will I do this again? Probably, because I still have plenty of bronze left in the bottle. But when it comes to shelling out my own hard-earned clams, I plan to go back to Kiehls.